Written by Ken Carman

(An Anti-Love-Letter)

So you thought…

You could pretend to care, to use me, to abuse me, then throw me away when I wasn’t as useful as your lust for life demanded: like yesterday’s trash… only to pass by occasionally, or have me over, so you could insult, ignore, be ruse, point, laugh and mock me while with friends, or in front of your new beau?

When we met…

You, on the down, needing someone to make you feel worthy again after being used up and tossed aside yourself.

Me: looking for a lifetime partner, a very close friend: one to share my life, my thoughts, my dreams, my aspirations: my world, with. To become part of my songs, my poetry, my prose: part of me, and me… as much a part of them.

You: on the way to the next fantasy who would never measure up, though you would never see that. And after the next fantasy tossed YOU aside, you’d find someone else to become yesterday’s trash. For some reason that makes you feel good about yourself again, even though you only repeat what was done to you, what you complain about to friends. Then, after tossing that person aside, reach out for the next fantasy capture. Someone as selfish, as self absorbed, as you. Someone merely dressed in the flesh of humanity, as empty inside as you are… never quite realizing you are desperately trying to love yourself by treating others as either amusing puppets, or Gods to be worshiped. Trying desperately to love yourself, and not knowing how. Perhaps you never will.

Later “somehow” your orbit collides with mine again, when you’re on the down, when you need yet another laugh, to do more mocking, find more frivolity in using, abusing, and once again tossing aside yesterday’s trash. Only here because the deep emptiness inside you is so damn demanding… then you wonder why you’re dismissed so readily.

Surprised?

You shouldn’t be.

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©Copyright 2012
Ken Carman
all rights reserved