Coverage of the Big Stuff of 2008, in the form of cheesy top ten lists and lofty-worded think pieces, will be churned out endlessly by Our Corporately-Owned Media over the next few weeks, so here are some of the lesser-reported annoyances, intrusions on sanity, and other head-smackers of the year past.
The Good: It’s a new year and Obama takes office in less than 20 days! (Happy 2009, BTW.)
The Bad: Bush and Cheney can still stir up trouble in their ‘Final Days.’
The Ugly: What if they decide not to leave?
The Good: The already-weakened Republican Party is splitting apart in a war between the ‘Jesus Camp’ Christopublicans and the Neocon Corporate Pragmatists. (The true principled conservatives having ditched the GOP years ago.) The latter are willing to bend rather than break; the former can’t, since they arrogantly believe, apparently without the assistance of hard drugs, that their Invisible Omnipotent God of the Infinite Universe Who Hates Liberals and Homos has nothing better to do than whisper in their ears what kind of retail politics and holy wars against his other creations will set them straight with Heaven.
The Bad: There’s a good chance the NCP will dump the Republicans entirely and put all their money into the Dems, which will have the result of making the Dems as debased and corrupt as the GOP.
The Ugly: Even though the Theocrats-for-a-Better-Armageddon are a small minority, the GOP in their hairy paws will become a rural party of ranting rubes, bedeviled boobs, slick hicks, hypocritical hucksters, predatory politicians, snake-handling simpletons, and mumbling morons (not that it mostly isn’t already) and, thanks to our unique system of apportioning two senators to each state no matter what the population (another nasty legacy of the era of slavery), the Christopublicans will continue to wield enough influence to block legislation and stir up other governmental mischief to the detriment of us all. The future of the Republican Party might very well be an army of pious Puritan dunderheads marching in righteous lockstep, infecting the US body politic like a bad case of psoriasis it wont kill you, but it can be damned aggravating.
The Good: Speaking of Sarah Palin, her 18-year-old daughter Bristol had a healthy baby recently.
The Bad: As Bart of Bartcop fame wrote, “[Sarah] Palin promised her daughter ‘and the young man’ would get married but that was during the campaign so she can’t be held to it.” So, now that Bristol’s bun is out of the oven, where is the fuming outrage of the Big Media and the Christopublicans that she’s officially an unwed mother and, since Ma holds down a gub’mint job, she’s being supported by taxpayer money?
The Ugly: The kid’s father, Levi Johnston, remains a proudly ignorant redneck oaf, and he just went to work for a ‘let’s-rape-the-wilderness’ energy company.
The Good: A Democrat has finally vowed to fight back against Republican smears and refuses to cave in to their demands.
The Bad: That Democrat is the convicted-by-the-media-without-a-trial Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojevich.
The Ugly: Here is the dumb-bunny guilt-by-location smear the RNC and every right-wing website will be repeating ad nauseum as long as Obama is president, even if Blago is cleared of all charges: “Obama and Blagojevich are both from Chicago, Illinois, which is, like, the most corrupt city and state in the union the FBI guy said so! and, hey, common sense says they must both then be completely corrupt, right? This is another one of those unanswered questions about Obama that the public deserves to hear the full truth about!” 2010 BM pundit’s comment: “Let’s say ‘hello’ to Illinois’ newly-elected Republican Governor Patrick Fitzgerald! At least he’s ethical, even if he couldn’t convict Blagojevich of anything!”
The Good: Illinois finally has a US Senator to replace Obama, a man with a clean and honorable record, former IL Attorney General Roland Burris.
The Bad: He is being morphed into Blago’s Rev. Wright by the scandal-happy ‘Whitewaterized’ Big Media, eager to toss him into the same ‘guilty-even-if-he-hasn’t-been-convicted-of-anything’ pot with Blagojevich. Burris is now ‘tainted’ just because he accepted the appointment. Note to the Big Media: What about all of those prominent Washington Senators of the Republican persuasion Mitch McConnell, John Ensign, Saxby Chambliss, Richard Shelby, Orrin Hatch, et al — who openly dined and danced with the likes of Jack Abramoff and Karl Rove? Oh, right Rove hasn’t been convicted of any crime but when has that stopped you? (Hey, the Clintons weren’t convicted of any crime in the Whitewater land deal; and no crime was even committed in the ‘Travelgate’ fiasco, but that didn’t matter they were still media-created ‘scandals’ that filled up newspaper columns and media airtime for years.) Lack of conviction, so to speak, certainly hasn’t been any bar to gleefully drubbing Blagojevich and Burris with the corruption stick. Abramoff is in prison and Rove is being subpoenaed and investigated all over the place for bribery, fraud and other assorted dishonesty, yet their close connections to prominent Republicans, not to mention the White House, somehow doesn’t carry the same ‘taint’ of corruption? Is the BM afraid of the GOP High and Mighty, or is it just your ingrained conservative bias showing?
The Ugly: Congressional and Illinois state Democrats are incredibly doing the Republicans’ job for them, sticking the blade in deep and twisting it not only with Blago, but now Burris, too. Hey, dingbat Dems, a simple ‘innocent until proven guilty, it’s the American way’ would be the way to go.
There’s more below the fold…
The Good: So far, David Gregory isn’t impressing those he must impress in his stint as host of NBC’s Meet the Press.
The Bad: NBC’s Meet the Press that gave the likes of Dick Cheney a public forum to spread his lies.
The Ugly: Pat Buchanan could replace Gregory as host of MTP.
The Good: Rupert Murdoch’s new wife is much more liberal than his last conservative-Catholic bride, and she’s pushing him to the left on many issues.
The Bad: Word is, Murdoch is planning on starting a 24-hour liberal cable TV channel that will compete with his own neocon Fox News. (Buying Bravo, maybe?) That means Murdoch will profit from both the right- and left-wing news hemispheres on cable TV.
The Ugly: He allegedly plans to make Keith “I Hate Murdoch” Olbermann an
‘offer he can’t refuse’ to host the flagship primetime show on the new network.
The Good: Companies who make securely-packaged products that can be easily opened by human hands without special tools, such as Gulden’s mustard and JIF peanut butter.
The Bad: CD and DVD plastic wrap that not only has no apparent ‘zip strip’ for quick opening, but also seems to be infused at the factory with an extra load of static electricity so that the wrap persistently clings to everything except the inside of the trash can.
The Ugly: Thick, hard plastic formed to the shape of the product (I’m looking at you, manufacturers of computer hardware) that not only has to be opened with an X-Acto knife or razor blade, but also allows little space between the packaging and the product for cutting it away from the cardboard backing without marring the product’s surface or wiring. (This includes the packaging for the X-Acto knife or razor blade, BTW.) We know that most of Corporate America doesn’t give a damn about its customers anymore, but must you be so obvious about it?
The Good: This piece is finally at an end.
The Bad: I probably should have read it over one more time and edited it to be more concise and precise.
The Ugly: I was just too hung over and lazy today.
Re: more beneath the fold.
Isn’t that what Adam Sandler said in Click?
We spent the night at home with the rest of our X-mas lamb roast, a local micro’s wet hop beer: yum, Samichlaus: a 14% Helles and our own spiced Winter Ale, about 18 abv. Why I don’t have a headache I don’t know. It was fun.
Obvious from the start he was a redneck, jock-ish, sperm donor and she every bit trailer trash her mother is. I think the producers of Family Guy or The Simpsons should do at least one episode mocking the whole family. Hell, might be worth a whole series and better than the erratic lil Bush.
A vulture who eats raw rotted partisanship. Hopefully he’ll do it as well as he cloned The Daily Show.
Why in Hell is this getting so much attention?
Ken, you were better off than me NYE, beerwise: I was drinking Harp, Beck’s and Sam Adams all night. (All of which I like, but they’re not very exotic.) What killed me was many glasses of champagne, as the host of the party I attended kept coming around filling everyone’s ‘flute’ to the brim. (This mixture of wine and beer used to be called ‘Sneaky Pete’s’ for a reason.)
To be honest, I’ve never seen that Adam Sandler movie all the way through — just the first hour or so, and I wasn’t paying close attention.
I’d be willing to bet that Levi and Bristol never get married — he’ll just be the ‘Baby Daddy.’ She’ll marry someone else before 2012 when Ma will be in the running, and the whole thing will be buried by the BM. (He said on his web page that was taken down during the campaign that he didn’t want to marry anyone.) BTW, if not The Simpsons or Family Guy, King of the Hill would be perfect — maybe the the Hills could take a trip to Alaska to visit some throwback relatives.
I can’t see Olbermann ever working for Murdoch again, but large piles of money do strange things to people. It also hard for me to imagine Murdoch pulling off a 24-hour liberal network — his mind doesn’t work that way — but you never know.
Blago is getting so much attention because the GOP can use him to keep trying to smear Obama with the ‘Illinois corruption’ brush, bizarrely with the aid of the Dems. Seriously, the Republcians can’t stand it that he’s so popular, especially in comparison to Junior and Dick. Someone told me Bush is now at 22 percent approval and Cheney at 11 percent — both record lows for the offices of President and Vice President. Yet the American BM still pucker up when either of them enters the room — what, don’t our over-paid reporters have shoes they can spare?