On January 7, 2009, the four living US presidents and President-Elect Barack Obama met for lunch at the White House. Details of their private conversation have been kept from the media but, thanks to a Tattler fly on the wall, the details can now be revealed.
Scene: George W. Bush (JUNIOR), his father George H.W. Bush (POPPY), Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama in the Oval Office.
JUNIOR: “Let’s all take a load off an’ get this here thing started.”
[Everyone sits down.]
OBAMA: “First, I’d like to ask you all for your opinions on the crisis in the Gaza ”
JUNIOR: “Whoa, doggies, there, pard’ner. I’m still the president here so I get to do the decidin’ of whut goes first where.”
OBAMA: “Of course, Mr. President. What topic would you like to address first?”
JUNIOR: “Uh, I dunno hey, since muh Daddy’s here, why don’t we talk about pussy?”
POPPY: “Arrrhhhh, har, har, har, har, arrrhhhh, uuuhhhh.”
OBAMA: “Pussy?”
CARTER: “Oh, my God.”
CLINTON: “Sweet Jesus on a pogo stick.”
JUNIOR: “Yeah, ah think thass a real good topic for conversatin’ over. Hey, Bill, show us whut happened with that Lew-in-sky girl in here.”
POPPY: “Arrrhhhh, har, har, har, har, arrrhhhh, uuuhhhh.”
CLINTON: “George, you know I’m not gonna talk about that.”
OBAMA: “Excuse me, Mr. President, but I asked for this meeting to get your perspectives on some of the pressing issues of our time.”
JUNIOR: “Take th’ stick outta yore butt, Bar-rack! Presidentin’ is easy all you do is sign yore name where they tell yuh tuh sign it, say whut they tell ya’ tuh say, and pose pretty for th’ pictures. Oh, yeah, an’ yuh gotta main-tain the dignity of the office. Ain’t that right, Daddy?”
POPPY: “Arrrhhhh, har, har, har, har, arrrhhhh, uuuhhhh.”
CLINTON: “That’s what’s known as the ‘Bush Doctrine,’ I believe.”
JUNIOR: “I sleep like a baby ever night ’cause I don’t let things get tuh me by thinkin’ about ’em too much. Thass the key to successful presidentin’!”
CLINTON: “We aren’t going to accomplish much here. We’ll talk later in private, Barack.”
OBAMA: “I think you’re right, Bill.”
CARTER: “Let’s pose for the photo-op and get the hell out of here.”
OBAMA: “Can we have the photographers in now?”
JUNIOR: “Yuh mean we ain’t gonna talk about pussy?”
POPPY: “Arrrhhhh, har, har, har, har, arrrhhhh, uuuhhhh.”
(Photographers enter; the end.)