What if FOX had been around since the revolution?
“Welcome to Colonial Edition of the one hour The Perpetually Piss Ewe off News Service: the official service for sheep. At PPN we put a LOT of effort behind pissing sheeple off about anything that won’t help the 1%. Or isn’t supportive off extremely hateful fundamentalist, militia member, Christians. Dare to disagree with us? PISS OFF! All for the glory of the Empire which supports job creators like The East India Tea Company.”
“More tea sailed into Boston Harbor to help make the job creators richer, however flea bitten, need to get a job, socialist, Occupy group members,led by the likes of hippies like George Washington, dumped the job creator’s tea into the harbor. They will be hanged, if found. If pepper spray had been invented yet true Patriots would plan to use that too.”
“Meanwhile Colonialist turned true patriot, Benedict Arnold, is currently informing the leaders of the Empire’s pro-corporate troops of the movements of these lazy ass no traitors.”
“Welcome to this edition of the one hour PPE ‘News.’ Brought to you by Ted Cruz’s Whips, Chains and Blunt Objects. “We put the slave back into slave.”
“Interfering once again with business and states’ rights, that nigger lover in the White House signed the Emancipation Proclamation. Obviously no respecter of individual property the awkward looking scumbag, SOME SAY, must be part nigger. Why else would he be so supportive of an obvious inferior race that God intended to serve us like we serve him? (Well CLAIM to serve him, but only if he’s a he, white and as supportive of the job creators as we are.)”
“Welcome to this edition of the one hour PPE ‘News.’ Brought to you by Henry Ford’s Ford Motor Company, the Bush Family and The Campaign to Elect Lindbergh, because we KNOW Nazis are just fun loving, good guys, and those damn Jews? Don’t get us started.”
“In the news that Commie loving Roosevelt continued his war of aggression against the peace loving Axis.Meanwhile he started more Socialist programs to help those lazy bums who don’t have a job and should just pull themselves up by their own, should be goose-stepping, bootstraps. It has been said that Roosevelt has a mistress, is physically so crippled he has trouble functioning and is on the mental level of a mentally challenged ferret. The President, who must have been elected through massive voter fraud, also gave another job creator hating speech.”
“Hitler save… uh, God save us all.”
“Welcome to this edition of the one hour PPE ‘News.’ Brought to you by The Separate, but not so Equal, Pool Company and No Niggers in White School Political Action Group.”
“Hero, Lee Harvey Oswald was killed today when Jack Ruby shot him. Some say a police officer escorting him, who must have ties to the Democratic Party, threatened him and Jack was just Standing His Ground.”
Courtesy blisstree.com
“Welcome to this edition of the one hour The PPE ‘News.’ Brought to you Newt and his 100th mistress.”
“Traitor Bill Clinton died in prison today after Saint Starr denied his lawyers request for and actual fair hearing. We here have our party hats on.”
“Welcome to this edition of the one hour The Perpetually Piss Ewe Off News Service. Serving easily pissed off sheeple all across the country. Brought to you by the bin Laden Family.”
(This is an “if they could have gotten away with it at the time” edition.)
“Our glorious Fuhrer, Junior, stayed in the White House another day to protect it with his super powers, kind of like Clark Kent is really Superman.”
“The liberals who flew the planes on 9/11 have had their ashes dumped into septic tanks after randomly being rounded up, chopped up slowly as they screamed. Papa John cremated them in his ovens.”
“Meanwhile the hangings of liberals, Muslims , atheists, enablers of the left and anyone who is not a conservative fundamentalist Christian: the only true Christians, were hung from lampposts, shot, buried alive, cooked in Crisco, stuffed with noodles just before they expand and eaten by ravenous, rabid, dingoes.”
“According to our sources no one with the name bin Laden, or connected to him, had anything to do with this, however our brothers in arms: radical Muslims, took care of the moderate Muslim scourge. We wish them well and happy hangings.”
Caveats
Ye Olde Scribe posts mostly comedy. don’t take it too seriously unless you’re a Reich Wing A-HOLE. If you are go find a washcloth, lather it up real well, take a bus to the biggest city near where you live, take a bus to the next, if a train is available take that to the Florida Atlantic Coast below Daytona, above Miami, otherwise hitchhike to Kennedy Space Center, sneak aboard the next rocket, blast off into space, open nearest portal, climb out into space with no suit, open your mouth and SUCK ON IT.
