Inspection- “The Dog Ate My Republican Homework”

By Ken Carman

 Suddenly the most right wing-ie, Trumpy, Republicans have flipped over to “get your vaccine” mode; abandoning their “it’s a hoax”/”not that bad”/”all a lie” stances. (To mention just a few.) And saying they ALWAYS said, “Get the vaccine.” Even when just a day or so before they said the opposite. Even if that moment was recorded. Even though it made it so obvious when they switched again due to listener/reader outrage.
Inspection So much for right wing superiority through consistency.
 Everyone is speculating about why they would do this. I am more interested in how this has been a geometrically increasing trend over the years. A trend that reminds me of the bully who probably stayed back at least one year explaining to the teacher why he didn’t have his homework.
 They are faced with the teacher: COVID. They are losing bully friends because COVID doesn’t care about their partisan games.
 Back when I was in elementary the teacher might pull the kid over her lap and… you know what. I don’t approve of that: saw too much abuse from teachers, at least one with mental issues taking her personal issues out on students. But, on a more metaphorical side of that punishment, I think some of these Trumpy Republicans would deserve it. Not that it would do any damn good.
 This is all about making claims (“The dog…”) and then claiming the claim proves their point. Even more outrageous claims follow. A lab in China may have experimented on the first origins of COVID, therefore it follows it’s proven they INTENTIONALLY let it out of the lab. Therefore it’s proven Fauci financed it. (Hear the Bugs Bunny music? “Kill the doctor, kill the doctor…”) Barack Obama’s father was not from the US. Therefore proven Obama is not a citizen. Therefore it’s proven not able to be president. Therefore proven the short form is bogus. Therefore proven his long form is bogus. (Remind me how many people would have to be in on these conspiracies again?) There was a burst of Biden votes at the time mail in votes started to be counted, therefore proven they all had to be fake. (Just like the write in votes the elections won by Republicans? Just like the rush of votes that won the election for W. in 2004? Oh, wait… the ones they LIKE have to be real?)
 Teacher to student…

“So show me your homework that provides good sources.”
“Homework? I don’t have that! The dog ate it!”

 Irony being they don’t even bother with that. They just smirk smugly at the teacher.
 Since as supposed adults there’s no ‘teacher’ nothing stops them from getting more radical, making even more outrageous claims.
 The insurrectionists were actually BLM and Antifa. No? That didn’t work? The insurrectionists were like tourists! No, not that either? It was a love fest and all the Capitol Police gleefully let them in, even kissed them. Never you mind the tons of videos of a head slammed in a door, beating and stabbing cops with flag poles, an insurrectionist dying because she tried to force her way in to murder our representatives… plus let’s add feces smeared, pipe bombs.
 They just ignore the videos, like they ignored 9 minutes of George Floyd dying under a knee. According to “The dog ate my…” videos don’t matter. Obvious lies don’t matter. When being questioned it’s so damn obvious they didn’t bother to do their homework. They just keep lying. They don’t even need the damn dog. Just jump to another claim.
 Oh, there’s been so much of this over the years. But now we’ve gone from occasional to a rhetorical (and sometimes not so rhetorical) machine gun rat-tat-tat of constant excuses. And the lying has gone supersonic due to who many consider to have been the worst, yet most prolific, liar to ever occupy public office.
 Doesn’t it remind you, before the net, when you were assigned a paper? You researched it, travelled out of town to bigger libraries, double checked your work, and presented it the next day. Then the bully steps up to the teacher’s desk and snarks out, “My dog ate my homework.”
 Anyone with an ounce of common sense knew the brat was, and is, lying.

                                                -30-

Inspection is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over 40 years, first published in fall of 1972. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks, and into the unseen cracks and crevasses, that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.
©Copyright 2021
Ken Carman and Cartenual Productions
all rights reserved