The Tattlesnake I Heard It Through the Grapevine Edition
There’s nothing more reliable than anonymously-sourced comments, as readers of the NY Times well know
Item 1. “Here’s the way it worked in the GOP when Bush Junior was in office: If some Republican senator or representative threatened to vote against the White House on an important issue, they’d get ‘The Call,’ which went something like: ‘Okay, you vote any way you want but, when you’re up for re-election, don’t count on any help from the RNC, and we’re gonna call the big money donors to the party and tell them to take you off the list. Oh, and we’re also gonna run a heavyweight Republican against you in the primary, so you may not even get to run for re-election. So, you go on and cast your vote however you want.’ You could count the number of Republicans who crossed the line on one hand. I don’t understand why the Democrats can’t do this with the Conserva-Dems.”
Item 2. “These big biotech companies like Monsanto have labs down in Mexico that experiment on all kinds of weird sci-fi stuff they couldn’t get away with in the States. This new Swine Flu virus H1N1 — is some kind of mutant combo of bird flu, swine flu and a human flu. How did those three get together naturally? If one of these weirdo genetic combos got loose outside the lab and started making people sick, you really believe in your wildest dreams that Monsanto or whoever is going to fess up and say ‘Whoops our bad! We goofed and this genetically-altered mutant virus we created got loose!’ Sure — the billions in lawsuits and bad PR would bury them.”
Item 3. “Arlen Specter’s dreaming if he thinks he’s going to win the Pennsylvania Democratic primary. Off-year primaries are where the real party faithful vote and some of these folks still remember when Specter jumped from the Democrats to the Republicans in 1965, and they’re still pissed about it. Any credible Democrat could beat him. Hell, Chris Matthews could beat him. Specter could maybe save his bacon if he became a real progressive Democrat, but he’s already shown he’s not going there. Obama and [PA Gov. Ed] Rendell will say a few good words about him, but that’s not going to save him. That old man’s living in a fairyland. His ass is astroturf in 2010, in my opinion.”
Item 4. “A lot of these right-wing authors like Coulter, O’Reilly and Medved are having their contracts ‘renegotiated’ because their books aren’t selling worth sh*t. The money’s not there for right-wing rants anymore, and the people with the big bucks are tired of buying up bulk orders to make these dogs best-sellers. The country’s changed, and the rich people know it. Most of these conservative authors will just dry up and float away if there’s no large money in it.”
Item 5. “Gone in 12 months: Michael Steele will resign from the RNC chairmanship to get his hats re-blocked or something; Sen. Olympia Snowe [R-Maine] is going to be caucusing with the Democrats, and maybe she’ll bring Susie Collins with her; Norm Coleman, after losing to Franken, will leave the country to avoid prosecution in MN for malfeasance; Karl Rove will be off of Fox; John Yoo will be gone from Berkeley; and, the big one, Dick Cheney will head to Dubai in the wake of torture investigations by Holder and Congress. He’s got the private jet gassed and ready if he needs to high-tail it out of the country quick.”
Item 6. “I just got back from California. Gov. Schnitzelgruber is about as popular as sand in your Speedo out there. He’s sitting in the middle of the road and getting hit by traffic from both sides — the Republicans think he’s too liberal, the Democrats think he’s too conservative, and everybody else just thinks he’s a loudmouthed loser. I couldnt find one person who had a good word for him. I can’t even describe how much he’s loathed think Nixon or George W. Bush on steroids. It wouldn’t surprise me if there’s a recall to dump this goofball sometime soon. Gray Davis when he was being recalled was more popular than Arnold is now.”
Item 7. “Colin Powell, now that Limbaugh has ordered him out of the Republican Party, may shove it right back in Rush’s face by not only becoming a Democrat, but running against a GOP senator in KY or NC. Is there any doubt Powell could easily get elected?”
Contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org.
2009 R.S. Janes. LTSaloon.org.