“I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.”
— Jon Stewart

“Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries, has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.”
— Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil’s Dictionary”

“Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey — until Thanksgiving.”
— Mike Connolly

“We can always find something to be thankful for, and there may be reasons why we ought to be thankful for even those dispensations which appear dark and frowning.”
— Albert Barnes

“Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and shows itself in deeds.”
— Theodore Roosevelt