“Conservatives could learn a lot from Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin. We should take a page out of her playbook and take a 9-iron and smash the window out of big government.”
— MN Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-Classy) at the CPAC conference.

“When I watch porn, if it’s not hot enough, I’ll make up back stories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography.”
— John Mayer

“I love the women’s movement — especially when walking behind it.”
— Rush Limbaugh, hiding his gayness, after judging the 2010 Miss America pageant.

“You have become in some ways the voice of sanity on Fox, which is like being the thinnest kid at fat camp.”
— Jon Stewart to Bill O’Reilly on his Fox News show.

“That is the last time I have sex with 200 middle-aged journalists. Europeans with wispy beards. The men were worse.”
— Ricky Gervais, hosting the 2010 Golden Globes Awards, kidding because his new movie received no nominations this year.

“An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of the Lone Ranger.”
— Dan Rather

“It ain’t what you know that hurts you, it’s what you know that ain’t so.”
— Satchel Paige

“Those who ignore the Godzilla of reality will one day be stomped flat by the Godzilla of reality. Ask the Republicans.”
— Primo Hermosa

“I think we risk becoming the best informed society that has ever died of ignorance.”
— Ruben Blades

“Eternity’s a terrible thought! I mean where’s it all going to end?”
— Tom Stoppard

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.”
— Albert Einstein

“Hi! I saw profile. You are so muscular and handsome I would like be meeting you soon for love time.”
— Spam Email from a Russian woman to Sen. Mitch McConnell.