It took damn near an eternity but BP engineers and da Gov finally found a way to tampon-close the splurging, spluttering sludge spewing from deep within cavernous edifice close to the almost bottomless bowels of da ocean.

Jeez, Scribe can do gross out better than most, but that almost made Scribe gag on his own attempt at a gag!

One engineer, let’s call him “Costello,” turns to the supervising government official, “Abbot…” (No second “t,” because he once was a nun before the sex change. Now he’s “ABBOTT!”) …and says…

“We fixed that! Thought we’d never fix it for a second.”

“Well, we’ve got another job to do first in LOU of stopping now.”

“First?”

“Second?”

In unison.

“Oh, no not THAT bit again!!!”

So they went off to fix the most foul, vile spills ever reported on the planet. The vile substance being spewed was so toxic it polluted the planet with a vomit-ous substance; and no one has been able to curtail the flow yet. It is a screeching sound that makes nails on a blackboard seem like a symphony, a jackhammer a violin. Bagpipes literally make music for the angels in comparison. You can literally hear it everywhere.

One can only hope for a case permanent laryngitis before the extinction level event. Or Sarah Beyond the Palin just shuts the HELL up.