“He who cannot remember the past is condemned to remember the past. Or something.”
— Joe Queenan, channeling a Quayleism in “The Vice-Presidency Is a Terrible Thing to Waste.”

Grab a pen or pencil and some paper and take the quiz, and no cheating with The Google. Which are actual quotes from Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin and which are from a beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity? (Answers below the fold.)

1. “I say, too, with education, America needs to be putting a lot more focus on that and our schools have got to be really ramped up in terms of the funding that they are deserving. Teachers needed to be paid more.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

2. “I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as, and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

3. “Well, our founding fathers were very wise there in allowing through the Constitution much flexibility there in the office of the vice president.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

4. “Patriotic is saying, government, you know, you’re not always the solution.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

5. “Nuclear weaponry, of course, would be the be-all, end-all of just too many people in too many parts of our planet.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

6. “It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren’t, then I’d be a school teacher.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

7. “Well, I’d rather choose to be beautiful, um, because, to be beautiful it’s natural. But being smart you can learn… you can learn, um, a lot of things… a lot of things from the experience… you can learn from a lot of things being smart.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

8. “Maybe he’s for everything as long as it’s not helped forward by the government. Maybe he’s for everything if the free market takes care of it. I don’t know.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

9. “We have to fight for our freedoms, also, economic and our national security freedoms.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

10. “We have got to encourage other nations also to come along with us with the impacts of climate change, what we can do about that.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

11. “So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

12. “I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

13. “We are truly the land of the great. From the rock shores of… Hawaii… to the beautiful sandy beaches of… Hawaii… America is our home.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

14. “I would discuss with him having mandatory sex education classes, because if students decide to have sex, they should be practicing safe sex. However, in my opinion, abstinence is always the best way.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.

15. “[T]he western part of Pennsylvania is very, uh, Midwestern, and the eastern part is more east.”

A. Sarah Palin
B. Beauty pageant contestant, fashion model or airhead celebrity.
(Answers below the fold.)

ANSWERS:

1. Sarah Palin, Biden-Palin debate, Oct. 2, 2008.

2. Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss South Carolina Teen, at the Miss Teen USA pageant in 2007, answering a question about why a fifth of the American population can’t find the United States on a map.

3. Sarah Palin, Biden-Palin debate, Oct. 2, 2008.

4. Sarah Palin, Biden-Palin debate, Oct. 2, 2008.

5. Sarah Palin, Biden-Palin debate, Oct. 2, 2008.

6. Fashion model Linda Evangelista

7. Jeanie Anderson, Miss Philippines Beauty Pageant.

8. Sarah Palin, Biden-Palin debate, Oct. 2, 2008.

9. Sarah Palin, Biden-Palin debate, Oct. 2, 2008.

10. Sarah Palin to Katie Couric.

11. Airhead celebrity Christina Aguilera

12. Fashion model Tara Reid

13. Nadine Tanega, Miss Hawaii, at the 1992 Miss World American pageant.

14. Christie Lee Woods, Miss Teen USA 1996.

15. Airhead celebrity Dan Quayle, as quoted by Joe Queenan in “The Vice-Presidency Is a Terrible Thing to Waste.”

Rate yourself here:

10 to 15 correct: You’re obviously a member of the Moonbat Fringe-Left Elite who is going straight to hell. Do you live in San Francisco?

5 to 9 correct: Not bad, but not good either; you’ve been paying too much attention to the hated Liberal Media. I betcha believe in evil-lution, too!

1 to 4 correct: Leaning a little pinko, eh? You’d better pray to the Big Guy (Rush Limbaugh) before you get a hotfoot, buddy!

0 correct: How’d ya like ta be vice president?