Category Archives: 12/2010

Home for the Holidays

Written by Ken Carman

We used to have so much fun celebrating my birthday, back before Dad said he was well pleased with me. Mom’s been dead a long time. For a while I didn’t even come home for the holidays. Dad and I were a bit, well, distant. Might say in my darkest time he had forsaken me.

I’m home now. I have been for a long time. But Dad is still distant. I heard he used to have so much fun before I was born. Am I to blame for the fact he doesn’t do the flood thing anymore, or turn those who disobey into salt? He said a fire next time, but everybody has been waiting, waiting, waiting… if only someone would stick a fire up his celestial you know what.

If only he’d open up to me. Have a father to son, son to father, chat. We could do so much together. Heal the sick, cast out demons, tease Satan into thinking one of us will betray the other.

Fun times.

But, no, he’d rather me just talk to everyone. Some kind of go between. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone, not even me. Dad says it’s because we’re too much alike. Like we’re one in the same.

I suppose that’s true: Savior, Father and that ungrateful Ghost, wherever he went. Dad talks about him being everywhere, but I’ll be damned if I ever see him.

Everyone else seems to be talking about my Brother James lately. Odd, for years he was treated as if he was an embarrassment, or he didn’t even exist. And though he died many, many years ago, now he’s a “hot topic.”

Why is it you can do so much, heal so many, walk on water, convert the masses, have masses and sermons about you somewhere in the world every second of the day. You can feed thousands with a loaf of bread and turn a little water into gallons and gallons of wine. You can sacrifice your life to do what’s right and have billions follow you, praise your name, even kill in your name. But when you’re home it’s always the same old, same old. You’re still the son. He’s still the father. And you wonder if you have ever done anything right in his eyes, or if he even cares at all.

Sometimes being home for the holidays means you can have a whole lot of people around who are supposed to care, but you’re not sure they do.

Sometimes being home for the holiday is just a whole lot of lonely.
©Copyright 2010
Ken Carman
all rights reserved

Christmas Expositions

Written by Millie Jenny C.

Bits of greenery everywhere
Holly leaves, berries sporting sparkles. . . candles. . . and brightly colored lights.
Homes adorned inside and out with fake and the real sights
And imaginings of flights.
Lights shaped into Christmas trees,
Stars, candles, Santa’s and Santa sleighs, snow men and some snow women
Mangers with many baby Jesus’ and wisemen visiting from many a-fars
Following all of the those multi-colored stars.
Pine trees and pine sprigs and sprays
Making many Christmas displays and performing
…and celebrating in plays.
Folks rushing about trying to find bargains
Darting in and out among snowflakes falling. . .
Trying to find that one perfect gift or
Trying to make that perfect gift or confection. . .
To best celebrate the spirit of the Season.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all
And a very wonderful Holiday Season to all
And many, many “Good” nights.
Copyright 2010
Millie Jenny C. – 12/16/2010
all rights reserved

Just Another Clerical Error

Written by Ken Carman

The three wisemen stood outside discussing what they would do next. They hadn’t gone into the stable yet. Inside they heard a lot of cries and screams. The meaning was obvious: a mother and a father in anguish. Even the animals were making sounds: brays of fear, snorts of disgust… but they didn’t know what the actual words meant.

“So we need to set it to…”

“Aramaic, with local variations. The sensors picked it all up as we waited for this day and they have been fed into the devices.”

With a silent night set of a translator the conversation became self evident, and their own words would be directly broadcasted into the minds of the beings inside the stable. It also effected how the mind perceived them. They would be seen as human.

“But what do we do with it? A ‘Savior’ that looks like this? No one will accept his teachings, if it even is a he. Joseph, what do we do? The star, the omen, God’s light has faded. Could this not be the Savior? Be evil? Be of…”

“Have no fear Mary, we are 3 wisemen from afar.”

“You have come only to see an abomination.”

“No, Mary, we have come to see our Savior from our land: far, far away. You and Joseph have no knowledge of our land. But we know of you, and ways to get here. The star?”


“That is how we got here. You will see it again as we leave. And we have brought you a present. But you must tell no one. Tell them we brought something else. This is God’s word.”

“What have you brought us?”

They brought forth a babe, in swaddling clothes. A human child.

“He is yours. He is your Savior. You have ours.”

“But how did this happen?”

“Shipping error by a wise ass celestial shipping clerk?”


One alien slapped the other who was softly laughing at what he had just said.

“No, Mary, you gave birth to another Savior, from our land. It was meant to join us all together in the one and true faith, eventually. For the spirit moves in mysterious ways.”

So the wisemen gave Mary the Savior. Then they took the strange alien babe: blue scales, fins, gills and a long tube that stretched out with a sucker on the end to transmit “the word” to his people, and walked out. As they boarded the spacecraft one of them started to chuckle and muttered, “Wise ass shipping clerk.”

The craft rose.

“You should know better than to tell these simple folk the truth. They’d never understand. OK, where do we take this guy.”

“Third star, past the belt of Orion around the cats neck…”

“You been watching too many of those Earth movies and TV shows God provided to get us familiar with what this planet’s future what will be. Did you input the destination into navigation?”

He stifled another chuckle and said, “Yes.”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’d keep the jokes down. God’s powerful. I’m sure he has other means to redeliver these Saviors. I, for one, am sure glad God decided on a delivery service: three wiseguys able to play three wisemen on different planets. Otherwise I’d probably be mining lithium on some asteroid, or scooping glowing Rathskellian blood worms out of muck to sell to traders to extract for interstellar drive juice.”

“Have you ever wondered why he doesn’t simply fire his shipping clerk and get a better one?”

“He’s all loving, maybe? Besides everyone knows not to annoy the shipping manager. Best not piss off Satan. All Hell would break loose.”

So the wisemen left the Milky Way, spreading Christianity one planet at a time.
©Copyright 2010
Ken Carman
all rights reserved

Christmas Dreams, Christmas Nightmares

Written by Lilith Raymour

Christmas dreams
Christmas nightmares
Schemes to get what one wants
Pool inside the porridge
One finds
Inside mixed up human minds

Are they from God?
The Grinch?
Will we awake
With a more realistic pinch
When we die
To find the old goof’s sleigh
Was hauled off
By some celestial
Parking cop wench
With her winch
For improper
Theological parking?

Jesus never said
Celebrate my birth
Eat turkey and dressing
Increase your girth
I hear
He never said
Love each other
Only one day
Out of the year

But we dress it up
On that single day
And encourage
Little tykes
To dream of
Dolls and bikes

Mass marketed love
That only theologically pleases
Buddy Jesus
©Copyright 2010
Lilith Raymour
all rights reserved

God Is

Written by Ken Carman

God is male, female
Black, yellow, brown and white
If God were a collie, God would bite
Leave you feverish
Forever in thought
Then relearning
God cannot be bought
Not with apples, praise, worship or gold
God sometimes seems the enemy
Still you must grab hold
Ride life’s mad carousel
To the times God is a friend
But remember…
God is never an ear for you alone to bend
God is never the property of one book, society, or sect
God is…
Not what you expect

©Copyright 2002
Ken Carman
all rights reserved

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