Monthly Archives: February 2010

How to Order a Beer in Fifty Languages


“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” –Dave Barry

If there’s one universal constant in human society, it has to be alcohol. Rare indeed is the culture that hasn’t worked out the tricksy process of fermenting and/or distilling some type of vegetable matter — be it malted barley, potatoes, honey or grape juice — into a brew containing a significant percentage, as the dictionary puts it, of an “organic compound in which a hydroxyl group is bound to a carbon atom of an alkyl or substituted alkyl group.” In other words, booze.

Among the mildest and most variable of these alcoholic beverages is that fine elixir known as beer. A true beer connoisseur would never pass up an opportunity to try the local brew, no matter where on Earth where they found themselves, and so it behooves the serious beerologist to know how to order a beer in as many languages as possible. That’s why we’ve taken it upon ourselves to provide you with a handy guide on how to order a beer in 50 different languages. Where the pronunciation isn’t obvious, or in which the term is normally written in non-Roman characters, we’ve rendered it phonetically. Cheers!

One beer, please!

Afrikaans… A beer, ah-suh-bleef!
American… Brewski here, please!
Arabic… Waheed beera, meen fadleek!
Basque… Garagardo bat, mesedez!
Belarusian… Ad-no pee-vah ka-lee lah-ska!
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Notable Quotables Caught at Random

“Conservatives could learn a lot from Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin. We should take a page out of her playbook and take a 9-iron and smash the window out of big government.”
— MN Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-Classy) at the CPAC conference.

“When I watch porn, if it’s not hot enough, I’ll make up back stories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography.”
— John Mayer

“I love the women’s movement — especially when walking behind it.”
— Rush Limbaugh, hiding his gayness, after judging the 2010 Miss America pageant.

“You have become in some ways the voice of sanity on Fox, which is like being the thinnest kid at fat camp.”
— Jon Stewart to Bill O’Reilly on his Fox News show.

“That is the last time I have sex with 200 middle-aged journalists. Europeans with wispy beards. The men were worse.”
— Ricky Gervais, hosting the 2010 Golden Globes Awards, kidding because his new movie received no nominations this year.

“An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of the Lone Ranger.”
— Dan Rather

“It ain’t what you know that hurts you, it’s what you know that ain’t so.”
— Satchel Paige

“Those who ignore the Godzilla of reality will one day be stomped flat by the Godzilla of reality. Ask the Republicans.”
— Primo Hermosa

“I think we risk becoming the best informed society that has ever died of ignorance.”
— Ruben Blades

“Eternity’s a terrible thought! I mean where’s it all going to end?”
— Tom Stoppard

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.”
— Albert Einstein

“Hi! I saw profile. You are so muscular and handsome I would like be meeting you soon for love time.”
— Spam Email from a Russian woman to Sen. Mitch McConnell.

Ye Olde Scribe Presents More Spam


“Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it… damn stuff.”

Spam from the great white North: no relation to Ollie…

December 8 – 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

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