Monthly Archives: October 2017

Witches Allegedly Stole Penises and Kept Them as Pets in the Middle Ages

Callie Beusman

Since time immemorial, men have worried irrationally about perceived threats to their penises. Long before there was castration anxiety, there was something far more sinister: the myth of phallus-stealing witches who kept wriggling, dismembered members as pets.

The best-known description of this practice occurs in the Malleus Maleficarum, a 15th century witch hunting manual written by Heinrich Kramer. Historians typically regard it as a ludicrous and misogynistic text that nonetheless resulted in countless vicious murders of women accused of witchcraft; in The Salem Witch Trials Reader, Frances Hill describes it as “one of the most terrifying and obnoxious books ever written.” The Malleus is rife with obvious anxieties about female sexual desire—as folklorist Moira Smith notes in her paperPenis Theft in the Malleus Maleficarum, “Many of the crimes (maleficia) attributed to witches concerned sexuality: copulation with incubus devils, procuring abortions, causing sterility and stillbirth, and impeding sexual relations between husbands and wives.”

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Alabama to Jail Hundreds of Voters for Switching Parties

IF the Supremes theses days have ANYTHING to do with actually protecting the Constitution, EON wonders how soon this infringement will stand. Even just the less than constitutional precedent of freedom a association makes it beyond suspect- EON

Alabama just slapped its citizens with nasty news concerning voter fraud. The Republican Secretary of State John Merrill has officially threatened to jail up to 674 Alabamans who he believes committed voter fraud by switching parties for the September 26th run-off election.

Alabama Governor Kay Ivey (R) signed a law in May 2017 prohibiting the act of “crossover voting.” Crossover voting occurs when voters switch their minds to vote for a candidate who isn’t affiliated with their party.

Merrill wants to slap all 674 “crossover voters” with the maximum prison sentence of 5 years and a $15,000 fine.

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Inspection- Parking Lot Cop (Auto Injustice)

 This has to do with more than parking issues. The way we handle personal responsibility in this country is really screwed up: all the way to the highest office. Imagine when any politician who is being investigated tries to blame everyone else on social media, and otherwise get in the way of the investigation, if some media traffic cop was able to issue citations that could lead to passing a certain percentage of campaign funds from their party on to furthering the investigation; a fine if you wish. That’s one of the many ways this concept could be extended.
 I keep an archive of columns that may never be published. Once in a purple moon, like entering that warehouse at the end of the Indian Jones movie, I go through that archive and find something unique, dust it off and, well, see what you think…


by Ken Carman

 When I started acting, after a brief time as the Mikado and a snobby hotel manager, I kept finding myself tossed into the role of cop. There are many things I wanted to be growing up, but policeman was never really one of them. Not that I have issues with the profession, it’s just not a role I ever felt that suited to on stage, or in real life.
 Finally I was chosen for the role of group manager and concert promoter. My stage-only law enforcement career ended. But if I ever actually had become a cop, these days I would wish I was a parking lot cop. I know: almost no one does that, or at least not from what I’ve observed. But they should. Read more

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