“How many observe Christ’s birthday! How few his precepts!
O! ’tis easier to keep holidays than commandments.”
— Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard’s Almanack, 1757.

“So in everything, do unto others what you would have them do unto you, for this sums up the law and the Prophets.”
— Jesus, Matthew 7:12, KJV.

“And why ye call me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?”
— Jesus, Luke 6:46, KJV.

“Jesus wasn’t a Christian, and he never preached in a church. He was also a drinker, and liked to hang out with sinners. We think of him very highly in the Church of Stop Shopping. We put him right up there with Lenny Bruce.”
— Reverend Billy

“Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.”
— Lenny Bruce

“God wanted to take a vacation, so He asked St. Peter for suggestions on where to go. ‘Why not go to Jupiter?’ asked St. Peter. ‘No, too much gravity, too much stomping around,’ said God. ‘Well, how about Mercury?’ ‘No, it’s too hot there.’ ‘Okay,’ said St. Peter, ‘what about Earth?’ ‘No,’ said God, ‘They’re such horrible gossips. When I was there 2000 years ago, I had an affair with a Jewish woman, and they’re still talking about it.'”
— Author Unknown

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