Tag Archives: Idiot

The Tattlesnake Even Kids Know Bristol’s Bunkum Isn’t Worth 30K Edition

“Bristol Palin will earn $30,000 per speech to talk about getting knocked up!”
— The Zeitgeisty Report, May 18, 2010.

Mom picked up her precocious 8-year-old daughter from school and, on the drive home, as was their custom, she told Mom how her day went.

About once a month, daughter’s teacher presented her class with the question, ‘If you could be anyone, who would you be and why?’ and that was the big event of this school day

“Oh,” Mom said pleasantly, “and who did you want to be?”

“Bristol Palin.”

For a fleeting instant, Mom fought back a strong urge to stop the car and throttle her progeny while cursing the kid’s pinheaded Republican grandfather on her father’s side. Instead, she asked calmly:

“Uh, do you mean Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol?”

Daughter toyed absentmindedly with a shoulder strap on her neon pink knapsack, “Yeah.”

“Why would you want to be Bristol Palin?”

“It said on the news she was going to get $30 thousand dollars a speech. She doesn’t know anything, so I thought I could get a hundred times that much for a speech ’cause I know more stuff now than she does and I won’t have to have a baby or hang around with her awful mother to get the job.”

Mom laughed, amused and relieved: At least her only daughter could always make a living as a stand-up comic.

2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

Today’s Quotes: Clarence Thomas — Was His Brain in There?

“Im one of those people that still thinks the dishwasher is a miracle. What a device! And I have to admit that because I think that way, I like to load it. I like to look in and see how the dishes were magically cleaned.
— Clarence Thomas, as quoted by The New York Times. [What must he think of the microwave? “Gee, food goes in cold and gets magically warm when I press the button.” Yes, this guy really is a US Supreme Court Justice. Comforting, isn’t it?]

I have on many occasions or a number of occasions when things were becoming particularly routine gone down to my basement to watch Saving Private Ryan.’ I cant tell you why that particular movie, except we have it and its about something important in our lives World War II.
— Clarence Thomas, as quoted by The NY Times. [He’s kidding it was actually ‘Saving Ryan’s Privates’ which is on the shelf next to the well-worn copy of Long Dong Silver’s Best Cum Shots.]

“And though the dinner was sponsored by the Bill of Rights Institute, he [Thomas] admitted to an uneasy relationship with the whole idea of rights.”
— Adam Liptak, “Reticent Justice Opens Up to a Group of Students,” NY Times, April 13, 2009. [Thomas ‘uneasy’ about the ‘whole idea of rights’? What a shock.]